There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
