There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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