You really coming over, don't trick.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
