So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
