I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
