P.S. I can't hear my feet
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
