you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
