I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
