i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
