Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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