Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
