Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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