i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
These tits shall not be calmed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
