And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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