I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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