Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
