forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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