I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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