Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
