Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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