i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Alive.
So much puke
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
