last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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