woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
