"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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