I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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