I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
