Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
