I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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