when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
