Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
