can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
