he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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