Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
