I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
