We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
