Banned from zoo.
Again?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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