my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
