WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We need to get me chipped asap
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
