well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
