it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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