thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
