We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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