I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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