pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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