end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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