Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
