Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
