i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry about my life...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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