i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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