If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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