Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
