hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
