I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
