also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
