God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
