I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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