Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
