I bet he comes in French.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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