you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
