listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
