yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
