Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
