Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
