I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
