the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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