So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
