i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
