Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
