if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
