nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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