i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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