I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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