birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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