so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
