He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
