it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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